If it appears that a guy is a Mama's Boy, blowhard and self-important beast, then no matter what he says, he's a Mama's Boy, blowhard and self-important beast.
If it appears that a guy has hangups and needs you around only to make himself feel normal, then no matter what he says, you are a seat filler.
If you have lived through both of these types of guys (or any other type of broken guy) and meet a new guy, it is best to have a self-defense filter installed.
If it appears that a guy's life isn't structured for a real relationship and he's emotionally unavailable, take notice and don't attach yourself before the guy shows you that he is available for a real relationship. If your filter is working correctly, you won't be completely crushed when the guy realizes that his life isn't structured for actual closeness and you won't be taken by surprise. If your filter is dirty and clogged, you're in for a world of hurt. If the guy consciously uses the way his life is structured as an excuse, he is simply an asshole and not worth your time when he skulks back full of more excuses so keep your filter maintained. If the unavailable guy is actually somewhat "right" for you and genuine, it will still hurt no matter how well you cleaned your filter. If the guy comes back and you are still around, the two of you will be stronger because of your filter. If he doesn't come back or you are not still around, thank goodness for your filter.
If you keep taking risks on people who interest you even though you have been hurt or disappointed in the past, then you are alive. If a guy doesn't really interest you but you still enter into a relationship, you are looking for someone to fill a seat simply to keep from being alone and that is not taking a risk.
The filter works both ways.
2 comments:
You could write a book!
Abi, I'm pretty sure this is the book. I don't have anything more to add. :)
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