My Hero, Kevin Bacon

Movie #1:  Animal House

If I was a young actor, I'd be pretty happy to be involved in something like this as my first movie so Kevin Bacon has nothing to complain about.  Not only that, he was an actual character (Chip Diller) instead of an unnamed extra, in many scenes (including the first scene) and had several lines.  He's also involved in the pivotal "switching of the exam answers" plotline...not too shabby, Mr. Bacon.

Movie #2:  Starting Over

Not available on Netflix so I don't have to watch it per my clearly stated rules in my previous post.

Movie #3:  Hero at Large

What is Hero at Large, you ask?  Well, let me tell you.  John Ritter stars as an actor who foils a robbery while wearing the Captain Avenger costume from his movie theater premier gig.  Word gets out that Captain Avenger is standing up for what is right in the city and the search is on to find out just who Captain Avenger really is.  Anne Archer is his crush from the apartment across the hall and Burt Convy is a hairy PR agent who tries to use Captain Avenger to save the mayor in the upcoming election.  Ritter gets evicted by a borderline creepy landlady, remains cheerful (even though he can't get into his apartment to feed his fish ) and bunks with Archer for a couple of days.  It's completely ridiculous.

As for Kevin Bacon in Hero at Large, he is billed as Teenager #2 and nowhere near the top of the cast list.  His one and only scene is within the first 15 minutes:  Ritter, dressed as Captain Avenger, is at a movie theater and Bacon swaggers up in all of his jean jacket glory and harasses him in front of his punk-ass friends.  If you're able to tear your eyes away from Ritter's safety glasses, Kevin is behind the punk-ass in the red jacket to the right in the picture below:

If that isn't enough to convince you to put Hero at Large at the very tippy-top of your Netflix queue as I recently did, take a look at this:

It's just like The Greatest American Hero only without the fantastic theme song.  Damn, I'm suddenly thirsty for a Coke, but I digress.

I'm not saying that you should watch this movie but I'm not saying you shouldn't, either.  My favorite scene was definitely Kevin's scene so this is a good example of how a movie can be better with Bacon.  Apparently, Netflix agrees because in their movie description on the envelope they make a point to say, "...and Kevin Bacon, in an early role, makes a very brief appearance."  It's not every day you see Netflix bringing special attention to the role of Teenager #2.

Also worth mentioning:  The DVD came out of the Netflix envelope completely scratch-free and pristine.  You won't have any of those frustrating skipping moments to ruin your movie watching experience with Hero at Large.

I'm Sure I Won't Regret This Decision One Little Bit

On Saturday, my brother drove Mom home and I rode along.  About half-way there, I piped up from the back seat, "So, I've decided to watch every single Kevin Bacon movie from oldest to newest."  (Anybody who knows me will realize that something of this magnitude must be randomly announced.)  Joe immediately replied, "I don't think you thought this all of the way through."

Me:  "It makes perfect sense.  I was watching Mystic River the other day and realized that Bacon was actually pretty decent."
Joe (in sing-song):  "You're going to have to watch some reaaaaally bad moooovies!"
Me:  "I'm perfectly aware that I'll have to watch Tom Cruise, Jennifer Aniston and Reba along the way but, that's the point...to find out when, exactly, Kevin Bacon made the turn from being cheese-ball to being not bad.  Was it JFK?"
Joe (in sing-song):  "You're going to have to watch Wiiiild Things...and he misses his mark in the showwwwerrr!"
Me:  "I'm perfectly aware that you can see Kevin's bacon in Wild Things."
Mom:  "I didn't know he was in Where the Wild Things Are."
In Unison:  "He's not.  Different movie."
Mom:  "There are two movies about the wild things?"
Joe:  "No.  I want to see Where the Wild Things Are and do not want to see Wild Things ever again."
Mom:  "What is Wild Things?"
Joe:  "A really bad movie with that Sasquatch girl."
Me:  "She makes out with another girl in a swimming pool.  And, yeah, she's pretty hairy.  I'd hate to see her waxing bill."
Joe:  "I can guarantee some guy shows up daily with hedge trimmers just to keep her maintained.  What's his first movie?"
Me:  "Animal House so at least the first movie I'll have to watch isn't terrible.  Unfortunately, he made Friday the 13th shortly thereafter and I'm not excited about watching that one.  I've been very happy to get this far in life without seeing Friday the 13th."
Joe:  "He gets an arrow through his Adam's Apple."
Me:  "Dammit, Joe!  Way to ruin the movie for me!"
Joe:  "Sheesh...okay okay!  All I'm saying is, you picked the wrong actor.  And Reba isn't in the movie for that long but who cares about Reba, anyway?  Michael Gross is grrrrreat!"

On Sunday, I met my buddy for a beer because that's what we do on Sunday.  I told John about my Kevin Bacon-thon and that Joe thought I picked the wrong guy because I'd have to watch Wild Things.

John:  "I've never watched Wild Things.  What is it about?"
Me:  "Don't watch it.  It's bad.  That hairy girl who married Charlie Sheen makes out with Neve Campell in a swimming pool and Bill Murray runs around wearing a fake neck brace to win a lawsuit or something."
John:  "Bill Murray!  That reminds me of Caddyshack!  I should watch Caddyshack."
Me:  "I've never watched Caddyshack."
John:  "What?  Leah, you've never watched Caddyshack?  Oh, you've got to watch Caddyshack."
Me:  "I don't want to watch Caddyshack.  It doesn't seem funny to me."
John:  "Caddyshack isn't supposed to be funny...that's the point.  It's all about how Rodney Dangerfield gets away with saying things."
Me:  "I can't stand it when people quote Caddyshack."
John:  "Which actor does your brother want you to pick?"
Me:  "I have no idea.  I'll text him and find out."
John:  "I can't believe you don't want to watch Caddyshack.  It has Chevy Chase."
Me:  "I know it has Chevy Chase."
John:  "What did your bro say?"
Me (checking phone):  "He hasn't gotten back to me yet.  He must be ignoring me.  I hate it when he ignores me."
John:  "I think you should watch all of Rudy Ray Moore's movies next."
Me:  "Hang on...I'm texting Joe that you think I should watch Rudy Ray Moore's movies."
John (laughing):  "Everybody should watch all of Rudy Ray Moore's movies!"
Me:  "It doesn't get any better than Dolemite.  Hang on...I'm texting Joe to see if Robert Downey, Jr. would be a better choice."
John:  "I'll make you a deal:  If you watch Caddyshack, I'll watch Wild Things."
Me:  "I don't remember saying that you had to watch Wild Things but, okay."

We shook hands and went our separate ways.  I'm still not sure why I agreed to watch Caddyshack when I specifically told John not to watch Wild Things but I was annoyed with Joe for ignoring my texts and, therefore, wasn't paying very close attention to the situation so it got away from me.  20 minutes later, I was walking up the sidewalk towards the house and found Joe standing out front watching our cousin spray debris from his driveway.

Joe:  "Hey."
Me:  "You didn't text me back."
Joe (digging phone from pocket):  "You texted me? Yep...you did.  Not Robert Downey, Jr....he's too good."
Me:  "Yeah, that's probably true.  What are you doing?"
Joe (pointing at our cousin):  "Tom has a hose."
Tom:  "Robert Downey, Jr. for what?"
Me:  "Joe doesn't think Kevin Bacon is a good choice so I asked him if Robert Downey, Jr. was better."
Tom:  "Kevin Bacon is a brilliant choice!  He's in tons of movies and has been around for 30 years.  Who else has been so mediocre for so long?"
Joe (in sing-song):  "She's going to have to watch Wiiiild Things!  And Baaalllto!"
Me:  "Joe can't get over Wild Things.  Balto doesn't count because it's not available on Netflix.  He also hasn't told me who he thinks I should have picked since he thinks Bacon is such a bad choice."
Tom:  "Robert Downey, Jr. is too good."
Joe:  "Yeah, you should have picked Jeff Daniels."
Me:  "Dumb and Dumber?"
Joe:  "He's better than you think he is."
Me:  "I know.  Hmm...maybe I'll watch Daniels next.  Of course, this means I'll have to watch that movie with Jack Nicholson and Debra Winger."
In Unison:  "Terms of Endearment."
Me:  "Yeah, that movie."
Tom:  "Well, you have to get through Kevin Bacon first.  See you guys later!"
Joe (holding up a paper sack):  "I'm going to go eat this burrito."
Me:  "Pepino's?"
Joe:  "No, Cha Cha Cha's."

On Monday, I received the following text from my brother:  "The problem with Rudy Ray Moore is that he never made a bad picture."

The ground rules for watching all of Kevin Bacon's movies:

1. TV shows do not count;
2. If he's the director but not actually acting in the movie, it doesn't count (Losing Chase); and
3. I have to be able to get all movies from Netflix.  There's no way I'm going to put a real effort into tracking down Balto.

When Life Follows Art or Art Follows Life or Something Along Those Lines

Too Bad It Isn't A Hatchback

If this came in a color other than pink, I would TOTALLY get one or three.  Camouflage would be nice.  I promise that I don't have a secret desire to be a Teletubbie.

You wouldn't want to drink too much water while wearing this, though.  That's just asking for trouble!

Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit

That Left A Mark

Undigested food really hurts when it comes back up.  I learned that lesson last night the hard way.  Over and over and over and ...

I really hope that was the first and last time I get to experience such unpleasantness.